Snow Cherries from France

One client called me this morning. After a brief discussion and proposing the price, suddenly he said :
“I’m sorry, I thought freelancers work for free.”
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“I have an old website, but I want a new one. Is there any option to sell off the pixels of the old one?“
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“Can you make it so the emails that get sent can’t be forwarded?“
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“I’m so glad I found someone that could make the internet.“

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Me: “With this hosting account you get 5 email addresses, so anything @mydomain.com.au. What email addresses would you like?”

Client: “Hmm..but that’s not very much 5 emails.”

Me: “Well you can always upgrade your hosting account to allow you to have more mailboxes.”

Client: “But what happens when I have received 5 emails, then I can’t use my email anymore.”

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Client: “Can you remove the negative comments that we have on the website?. If so how soon can you do make it happen?”

Me: “I don’t know what you mean about negative comments on the website — your website doesn’t have a comments section. Can you clarify where you’re seeing them?”

Client: “We had some negative reviews which I would like to have removed when you go onto our website and look us up on Google maps.”

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Leather/Carpet Samplings

For a brief period I was working for this web development company for small to medium sizes business. This is a conversation I had with one of their car upholstery clients after I just received a package containing over 100 leather and fabric samples.

Me: …and was hoping you could elaborate what it is you wish me to do with these. Scan each and add them to your site?

Client: Yes.

::after completion::

Client: When I touch my screen, how come I can’t feel the difference between each? I want visitors of my site to be able to feel the difference between each sample…

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“I’ve decided that the amount you invoiced us for is far too much. Here’s my thinking: We are paying you to come up with an idea — we’re not paying you for the time you take to think about it. The actual idea must only take about 30 seconds to think about as you come up with it. All these visuals, that’s just typing. I can do that in Word. It would take me 5 minutes. So I only want to pay you for 5 and a half minutes work.“


more clients from hell